My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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