how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
