I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
