Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
ttyl tear gas
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
