I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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