I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
