worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
