sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We had to coat check the pizza.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
