They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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