Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
