I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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