Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
