Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i barfeds in our rink
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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