I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
