Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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