So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
