The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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