Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
