oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
