You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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