Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
