i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
