dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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