the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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