So drunk, too bad you don't want this
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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