Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Vodka?
Forever.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
