so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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