Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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