i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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