Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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