please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
