i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
