I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
