i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
