those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
