She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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