the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
