You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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