i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
