no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
People in love make me want to vomit
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
