What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We're using joints as your birthday candles
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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