i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
