physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just invented taco cereal.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
