$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
