he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
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I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
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Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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