I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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