I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
