My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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