you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
