wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
