Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Fuck appropriateness.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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