I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
