I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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