he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
