so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
