how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
