Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
