One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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