you would pick up someone in the library
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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