Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
