if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
