Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
