Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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