we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
