My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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