I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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