He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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