I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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