Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
