All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
