I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
