she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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