I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
