You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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