My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My hand turned me down
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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