I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
