nut hugger
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
